White Elephants on Parade in Charlottesville

The tenth annual Charlottesville LLL White Elephant Exchange was held yesterday at the Gracious Home of writer and documentary filmmaker Elizabeth Howard. Some twenty Literary Ladies were in attendance. As the exquisite wrappings fell away, we were left with many truly wretched offerings. (Why, this is the best holiday EVER!)

My personal favorite was Susie Langenkamp's new "pump" soap.

Hearty congratulations to our first- and second-place winners, Laura Rydin and Sally Honenberger!

Denver White Elephant Extravaganza!

Scene at Denver Literary Ladies Luncheon December Extravaganza: Sharon Glassman, Christie Hartman, Nancy Hightower, Karen Carter, Kate Schafer Testerman (face obscured).

Denver's second annual LLL White Elephant Gift Exchange was held yesterday at the Gracious Home of Bella Stander, National Cofounder & Western Social Secretary. Everyone shared food, drinks and tastefully wrapped dreadful (or not-so) regifts. To add to the fun, there was an Accessories Swap. Gold hoop earrings were the thing to de-accession; at least 7 pairs were up for grabs (seen at Karen Carter's rear, above).

Carleen Brice demonstrated her "Welcome White Folks" video, to much hilarity. Andrea Cohen is seated at left; Sharon is looking over her shoulder. At the next screening, Tamara Greenleaf laughed so hard she cried; she's wiping her tears at right. Carleen gave a copy of her book, ORANGE MINT & HONEY, and an audiobook. Not exactly White Elephants, but they were greatly appreciated.

Left, Denise Turner receives the gift acclaimed as Best Wrapped. Little did she know what many of us guessed: that it contained the ghastly double-necked vase Carleen got last year. We expect it to reappear in 2009. A can of guava paste has been circulating in Charlottesville for a decade; here's hoping it turns up again this Friday.

Right, the Tackiest Gift, a balky lava lamp bestowed on Karen by Nancy Hightower.



Above left, Sharon models a fetching ensemble--black knit cap & mauve camisole--received from Janet Singleton (rear), who's holding the finishing touch: a red-flowered scarf. Center, Christie models a belt from the Accessories Swap. Right, Nancy models a flowered neck--we think--thing and black handbag, from Vanessa Appleby, who had to leave (escape?) before all the gift giving.



Left, Janet responds to Kristin Nelson's gift of a pewter spittoon...er, urn...er, vase?



Right, Bella with the Most Ghastly Gift, courtesy of Denise, who gave as good (i.e., bad) as she got.





As you can see, Janet was stunned by the spotted green frog from Denise. Carleen was amazed by an opened bag of Snickers bars (another Halloween leftover) and can of evaporated milk from Debra. They were packed in the most precious and patriotic gift bag EVER (the trifecta: teddy bear, angel & American flag). For some reason Carleen refused to take it with her, so it was squirreled away by Bella, to make a glorious reappearance next year.



More hapless giftees.

Left, Debra Goldyn with Nelly CD.

Right, Elizabeth Wrenn with PURE SKIN. (Note how her eyes match the book jacket!)



Left: Pleased (or faking it) recipient Paula Singer and giver Elizabeth Wrenn with--ick!--POOH'S LITTLE BOOK OF FENG SHUI.

Below: Best-Coordinated Package & Recipient Nancy Jarrell and bag (Denise is at left). Inside was a silver bookmark in the shape of a heart. Groans all around for its being truly lovely.













Happy giftees Kate Schafer Testerman with cat thingy; Kristin Nelson with DOGA: Yoga for Dogs (dog on left resembles her Chutney).

Denver White Elephant Gift Exchange

At long last, here's the Denver LLL White Elephant Extravaganza on December 14 at Mead St. Station. A hilarious time was had by all.

Clockwise from left front: Robin Owens, Rebecca Burgess, Andrea Joy Cohen, Debra Fine, Kristin Nelson, Shelly Vickroy, Bella Stander, Rebecca Burgess, Karen Carter and Mary Taylor Young.

The many exquisitely wrapped gifts were piled in the center of the table and the Ladies picked for themselves.

Carleen Brice happened on the most inappropriate gift, donated by yours truly: a self-published doorstop about an Irish guy who fought for the Confederacy, which she immediately regifted to Robin. Then good luck shone on Carleen again, and she walked away with what was unanimously deemed the most horrid item: a white bisque double-necked amphora (I'm sure there's a special term for it) with a Spirit of the West-type owl painted on it.

Andrea Joy Cohen blessed the amphora, but I have a strong suspicion that it's going to resurface next year. Perhaps it will become a rotating gift, like the famous can of guava paste in Charlottesville. If memory serves, the copulating frogs received by Dawn Hunt (see below post) have also made a previous appearance. And the painted-lady wine glasses that Laura Rydin got from (and returned to) Janis Jaquith were given by me two years ago.

Ghastly-Gift Gathering

Yesterday, the Charlottesville branch of the Worldwide Literary Ladies Luncheon gathered at Milan indian restaurant for the annual White Elephant gift exchange.



Going clockwise: that's yours truly (Janis Jaquith) with hand raised, Fran Slayton (who has wonderful publishing news that may not yet be disclosed), Jenny Gardiner, Laura Rydin Ventre, Marianne Sullivan, the intrepid Susan Wright, and Erika Raskin.










And lucky me, I got what has to get the award for "Most Desperate Gift, Ever." A can of beans, courtesy of Rose Elliott.













Marianne Sullivan having a "what the hell is this?" moment with a ghastly, multicolored ceramic bowl festooned with stuck-on ceramic fish. She decided it would make a good water bowl for the cat. (Although the ceramic fish could be cause for some feline frustration...)








That's Susan Wright holding her Hokie Napkins (unfortunately, the Hokie turkey doesn't show in this shot). Additionally, this tacky collection of Virginia kitsch included a snow and glitter globe of Jamestown, and a Hokie-bird golf tee.





Laura Rydin enjoys, temporarily, the painted-lady glasses that had been happily perched on a windowsill in my gracious kitchen for the past two years. (My gracious kitchen is painted the same periwinkle blue as the ladies.) My husband suggested last week that someone else's house -- anyone else's house -- would be a good place for the glasses. With a heavy heart, I wrapped them up for the LLL wingding. But Laura, the very soul of generosity, wouldn't hear of keeping the glasses, and they are now back home in my g.k.







Jenny Gardiner actually LIKES the collection of Christmas tree decorations she received.






I regret to report that the winner of the Tackiest Gift Prize (wrapped with panache by Erika Raskin) was not captured in a photograph. It was a plastic box (the kind a corsage should come in) filled with taupe satin rosettes. (Even if you could make a taupe rose, why would you?) Elizabeth Howard was the baffled recipient. ("Whatever would you do with THESE?" We suggested that she strew them on her sheets to wow her husband.) Although they didn't actually smell like some musty artifact from Miss Havisham's hope chest, they looked as though they ought to.

I raise my virtual champagne glass to Literary Ladies everywhere: Charlottesville, Denver -- wherever you may be. May 2008 bring inspiration, finished projects, wide distribution, and fat checks. Cheers!

(And many thanks to Elizabeth Howard, who took these photographs -- and had to take home those crappy roses.)